|
Parenting
Style Map Survey
William
Gaultiere, Ph.D.
Executive
Director of New Hope Crisis Counseling, Crystal Cathedral
Clinical
Psychologist & Spiritual Director, ChristianSoulCare.com
Use the scale
below to answer each question about your relationship with your
child (if you have more than one child then understand "child" to
refer to your children in general). For each question write the
number that corresponds to your answer in the blank.
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
Almost
Never |
Once
in Awhile |
Sometimes |
Frequently |
Almost
Always |
| 1. |
When
my child is struggling I worry about
how he/she feels. |
______ |
| 2. |
I
like to tell my child what to do. |
______ |
| 3. |
I try hard to make my child happy. |
______ |
| 4. |
When
I discipline my child his/her feelings have little influence
on me. |
______ |
| 5. |
I spend my free time with my child. |
______ |
| 6. |
I give little weight to my
child's suggestions in decisions. |
______ |
| 7. |
I
like for only our immediate family to do things together.
|
______ |
| 8. |
I
make sure that the rules stay the same in our family. |
______ |
| 9. |
When
my child hurts my feelings it has a lasting affect on my mood. |
______ |
| 10. |
Even
on stressful days I insist that my child do his/her daily
chores. |
______ |
| 11. |
When
I'm with my child it's hard for me to be happy if he/she is
not happy |
______ |
| 12. |
I
enjoy structuring my child's activities. |
______ |
Scoring Your Parenting Style Survey
First, obtain your
"Relationship Scale" score by adding up the point values you've
written in the blanks after each odd numbered question
in the survey. You should get a total of between 0 and 30. Mark
an "x" on the bottom horizontal axis of the "Parenting Style Map"
according to your score. Then obtain your "Structure Scale" score
by adding up the point values for each even numbered question.
The total on this should also be between 0 and 30. Using that
score mark a "y" on the left vertical axis of the map. Finally,
plot your x and y scores on the map and identify your relationship
and structure styles as a parent. (In locating where you fit
on the parenting style map you may need to adjust where you plot
your score if the descriptions below suggest to you that you belong
on a different spot on the map than your survey score indicates.)
Understanding Your
Parenting Style Survey
On the "Parenting Style Map" below you want to be somewhere in
the circle of "grace and truth in balance." The horizontal axis
is assessing the quality of your relationship with your child.
You want to relate to your child with kindness and compassion
to promote a caring bond between the two of you that meets your
child's needs for both intimacy and separateness. A grace-giving
relationship like this avoids the extremes of being disconnected
(too busy or emotionally detached) or enmeshed (emotionally intertwined
or lacking in clear boundaries of separation). The vertical axis
looks at the direction or structure in your relationship with
your child. You want to structure your relationship with your
child in a way that promotes responsibility and wisdom, harmonizing
your child's needs for clear direction and flexibility. This
kind of a truth-honoring relationship avoids the extremes of authoritarianism
(rigidity or harshness) and permissiveness (chaos or laxness).
A word of
caution is in order in understanding your score. Don't expect
perfection! That's what God's for! But if you do find that you're
not where you want to be then don't get
discouraged. Just getting a picture of where God is and where
you are and asking God for help will get you started on becoming
a parent who is more like God in using both grace and truth in
your parenting.
William
Gaultiere, Ph.D. is the Executive Director of the New Hope Crisis
Counseling Center at the Crystal Cathedral and a Clinical Psychologist
and Spiritual Director with ChristianSoulCare.com.
On his website you can sign up for a free inspirational devotional
e-mail.
|
