William Gaultiere,
Ph.D.
Executive
Director of New Hope, Psychologist with ChristianSoulCare.com
Maybe you feel that
no one really cares about what you're going through or that there
is no hope for things to get better for you. Maybe suicide feels
like an escape from your pain. Please read on! There is at
least one person in your life - probably many more than that
- who loves you far more than you realize and has real hope for
you. I know. I talked with six of these people - one of whom knows
you better than you know yourself!
Each person I interviewed
lost a loved one to suicide and lives with the pain of the one
who is missing in their lives - a child, a parent, a best friend.
Now they volunteer hundreds of hours year after year as New Hope
Crisis Counselors at the Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove, CA
to listen, care, and pray for people just like you. If
you call 714-NEW-HOPE or click into the private chat room at NewHopeNow.org
they will be there for you. Here's what they want to say to you
right now.
The Crisis Line
Didn't Answer my Call!
Shirl lost her teenage
son to suicide 17 years ago. She read his suicide letter, hidden
in his pillow case, and went numb. She fell in bed and laid in
a fetal position next to the phone for hours. Again and again
she called 714-NEW-HOPE, but she kept having to wait for a volunteer
to become available. She finally did get through to the help she
needed and received pastoral counseling and prayer and then a
couple of years later she volunteered to become a New Hope Crisis
Counselor so that others in crisis could more quickly get through
to the help they need. She became so effective as a crisis counselor
that she went on to volunteer her time to train other people -
ministers, police officers, counselors, parents, siblings, adult
children, teenagers, and children - in how to help someone in
despair.
If you were to meet
Shirl and tell her of your own despair she'd give you a hug just
like the one she wishes that she could give her son right now.
She'd listen and care for you - even if you were grumpy! She'd
do anything and everything to get you the help you need to overcome
your depression and get through your crisis.
Shirl would help you
to see that the black hole you're in now is really a black spot
and that if you could step back and get a wider view on your life
you'd see that there are some spots of light and beauty in your
life picture. One bright spot that her son would have seen if
only he hadn't given up too soon was that after his death his
sister had two delightful children and he would've loved being
their uncle! He would've been a great uncle and a great father.
If only he could've hung on a little longer and gotten the help
that he needed.
I Felt I'd been
Hit in the Chest with a Baseball Bat!
It was seven years
ago that Jack found his son 23-year old son laying on the floor
in his room. His body was cold and motionless. There was a rifle
shot through his head. All he could say was "Oh God! Chris!" He
felt total devastation and overwhelming pain.
If you could sit down
over a cup of coffee with Jack within minutes you'd feel like
he was an old buddy. He'd listen to you in his gentle way. He
wouldn't judge you or give you advice. He'd notice the times you've
been kind to others or made them laugh - these are things he misses
about his son Chris. Chris had a way of making others feel good.
Even now it makes Jack feel good to remember his son. Tragically,
Chris lost sight of what a blessing he was or he'd still be alive
today. If only he could've seen in himself what his father saw.
I Miss Being my
Mother's Child
Maria's mother shot
herself in her heart. When Maria found her she cried out, "This
cannot be true!" It's been thirty years, but she still misses
her Mommy!
Like her mother, Maria
has suffered from bouts of Major Depression. She knows how it
feels to trudge through life with your feet sticking in wet cement.
She understands the feeling her mother expressed so many times,
"Stop the world! I want to get off!" But Maria got help to take
the step that her mother never took: she came to terms with her
mental illness and dealt with it. She talked to a pastor and then
a doctor and a counselor. She prayed and prayed. She made new
friends. Ultimately, God led her to become a New Hope Counselor
and to begin a new career in mental health. She says that helping
others helps her.
Today Maria says that
her new life is God's miracle to her. But she still wants her
mother back.
My Best Friend Drove
Away and Never Came Back
Just before Christmas
Suzanne's roommate, business partner, and best friend drove away
in her truck, apparently to "clear her head" during a stressful
time, as she often did. But this time she never came back. Then
on Christmas Eve Suzanne got the dreadful news that her friend
had hung herself. A wave of cold swept over her, leaving behind
unending ripples of sorrow. She cried and cried - right through
Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the day after that. For the
next three Christmases she couldn't put up a Christmas tree or
decorate. Eight years later she says that she still has a deep
hole in her heart that will never completely heal.
"How could a Christian
who loved God and who did not believe in suicide fall into such
darkness and take her own life?... How could I with a Master's
degree in counseling and years of experience in the field not
know?... Why did she not tell me?" Suzanne had to find out the
answer to these questions and do what she could to help others
not choose suicide so she volunteered with New Hope.
If you met Suzanne
you'd want her to be your friend. I know because she's my friend.
She'd have time to talk with you. She'd listen to your hurts with
her ears and her eyes. Her gentle compassion would embrace your
heart. She'd treat you like a family member because she knows
how it feels to be alone and have no family members to share your
life with. She'd show you that if you were to kill yourself there
are people in this world who would miss having conversations with
you and would miss your friendship and that you'd miss out on
these joys to come. If you'd let her, Suzanne would help you to
call some of your family members and friends and let them know
how depressed you've been and how desperately you need compassion
right now.
Letting someone like
Suzanne become a friend to you would help you to believe that
even though things look dark at the moment, God has not abandoned
you and there is hope for you.
I Wanted to Take
the Life of God's Son!
Kedron heard the gun
shot in other room. He jumped out of bed only to find his lovely
wife had shot herself. He screamed for God to help his wounded
wife, but God didn't come. Finally, the police came and an ambulance
and took his wife to the hospital. They couldn't save her. Kedron
demanded that God have his son take physical form and appear.
Why? He answered, "So I could take the life of the Son of God!
Why not? God had taken her (that's what I thought at the time)
so it seemed only right that I take the Father's son away from
Him."
Fortunately, the next
day Kedron turned back to God. He let go of his angry blaming
of God and clung to God for the comfort he was desperate for.
He says it was the only way he could hang on. He had lost his
wife and the mother of his children. He lost the one most dear
to him. He's counted the days without her: 4 years, 1 month, and
17 days.
Kedron desperately
wishes that he could go back in time and tell her, "I love you
with all my heart. And I'm sorry for the ways I hurt you." (There's
probably someone in your life who wants to say that to you and
just needs the courage to actually say it.) Kedron would tell
his wife about the kids and the grandkids and how they all miss
her so much. She would be enjoying her kids and her grandkids
right now if only she wouldn't have pulled the trigger. She loved
children! If only she would've set the gun down and called out
for help. If only she could've realized that she wasn't crazy
like she said in her suicide note, but actually she was having
a horrible reaction to a new anti-depressant medication that wasn't
right for her. If only she had understood that the crisis she
was in wouldn't last forever. If only.
The One Person you Must Talk to!
God is the sixth "Person" I interviewed. If you
don't talk to anyone else you must talk to him! He too is a survivor
of suicide because every person who has died by suicide was one
of his loved ones. Besides that, the Father lost his only son
Jesus when Jesus allowed himself to be crucified. Jesus suffered
the worst agonies imaginable in his earthly life so he understands
your pain more than you realize. And he continues to suffer today
when one of his children like you is hurting. The Lord opens his
heart to you.
God knows you better than you know yourself (Psalm
139). He knows the number of the hairs on your head and not one
sparrow falls down without being cared for by your Father (Luke
12:7). His thoughts of you are precious (Psalm 139:17, NLT). Each
of your sorrows is noticed by him - each tear you cry is recorded
in his book and saved in the bottle he has for you (Psalm 56:8,
NLT). He wants to help you to receive his forgiveness for your
sins and his healing for your diseases (Psalm 103:3). You are
his beloved child (1 John 3:1) and he has appointed an angel to
minister to you in the Father's presence (Matthew 18:10). He sends
people from the Body of Christ to be Christ's Ambassadors to you
(2 Corinthians 5:20). And he's given you the Bible to guide you
(Psalm 119:105). He's everywhere around you in the creation, speaking
from the skies and shining on you from the heavens (Psalm 19:1-6).
Best of all, the Father loves you so much that
he gave his Son Jesus to you (John 3:16) and Jesus came to free
you from evil and to help you to grow into his abundant life;
he is the Good Shepherd who lays down his holy and beautiful life
for you so that you can grow into a satisfying love relationship
with him (John 10:10-11).
God wants to strengthen with his joy (Nehemiah
8:10) and teach you to live blessings of sharing his love with
others (Acts 20:35). His great promise to you is:
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares
the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to
give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come
and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and
find me when you seek me with all your heart'" (Jeremiah 29:11-13,
NIV).
Would you dare to hope that God does have good
plans for you? Would you seek the Lord and put your trust and
confidence in him?
Shirl, Jack, Maria, Suzanne, Kedron, and other
Ambassadors for Christ like them will put their trust and confidence
in God for you! New Hope Counselors like them are wonderful
listeners for those who call the hotline at 714-NEW-HOPE or click
into the private chat room at NewHopeNow.org. They care. They
encourage. They problem-solve. And most of all, they pray to the
Lord on your behalf. They do all this and more as volunteers.
Why? Because they know what it's like to hurt and they've come
to know Jesus personally. They've trusted in Jesus as their Lord,
Savior, and Friend and so they're able to pray for you to learn
to rely upon his caring presence and capable help. Jesus is alive
and caring for you through them.
So please don't think suicide is a way out! Each
person I interviewed wants you to choose God's new hope for your
life. And they each wanted me to leave you a prayer from their
hearts to yours:
- "Lord,
I pray that your child may find a way into your light that shines
through the darkness. Give this child the strength to reach
out for help and to accept the love you are giving through others.
Embrace and comfort this one and give your peace. I pray in
Jesus' name. Amen." - Shirl
- "Dear Lord,
I pray you show this person your kind and loving touch. Let
him or her to see that your arms are open wide to heal the pain.
I ask this in your name. Amen." - Jack
- "Dear Father,
I come before you in Jesus' name on behalf of this person reading
these words now. Maybe he or she is suffering from depression
or another illness. You're sending help and hope - please help
this person to perceive it and receive it and conceive it in
a new life with you. Amen." - Maria
- "Dear Lord,
bless this friend who is thinking of taking his or her life.
Lift this dear one up from the mire. Shine your light in the
dark. Show your child your love that says, 'I am here. You are
not alone. You matter. There is good hope for you!' Lord, watch
over your beloved child right now and always and keep him or
her safe from harm. Reveal the good plan you have for his or
her life and turn thoughts of death into a new desire for life
and turn old sorrows into new joys. Amen." - Suzanne
- "Dear Father,
I miss my wife so much! Please Father, I beg you on my knees
to help me and others in this fight of evil in our hearts. Let
no one feel again what I and my family have felt. I don't know
if my tears will ever stop as they remind me of the love I have
for you. Please Father, don't leave us in this dark place. We
are so alone and afraid. We need you at our side to stand with
us against hopelessness. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen." - Kedron
- "Holy Father,
keep them and care for them - all those you have given me -
so that they will be united just as we are. So they would be
filled with my joy. Keep them safe from the evil one. I have
revealed you to them and will keep on revealing you. I will
do this so that your love for me may be in them and I in them"
- Jesus (John 17:11, 13, 15, 26, NLT).
William Gaultiere,
Ph.D. is the Executive Director of the New Hope Crisis Counseling
Center at the Crystal Cathedral and a Clinical Psychologist and
Spiritual Director with ChristianSoulCare.com. On his website
you can sign up for a free, bi-monthly inspirational e-mail.
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