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Dr. Bill Gaultiere
Executive Director of New Hope

It’s 4:30 am. Most people are still curled up under the covers sleeping. Eileen, a New Hope volunteer crisis counselor is sitting by the phone in the Tower of Hope at the Crystal Cathedral available to help anyone who calls in. The phone rings…

"Good morning this is New Hope and my name is Eileen. How may I help you?"

"This is Wayne. (Not his real name.) I-I-I-I’m sitting here with a gun in my lap."

"You have a gun Wayne?"

"Yes. I have a gun, and, ah I want to know what God will think if I use it on myself."

"Wait a minute Wayne, I want to hear what’s going on with you. First, will you set the gun down and put it away in a safe place?"

"Okay."

"Tell me what’s upsetting you."

"I want to go to be with my grandparents in heaven…."

"It sounds like you were close to them and you miss them terribly."

"Yeah. The gun is my grandfather’s. He used to take his life after the stock market crashed. Then my grandmother used it to take her life. Now I want to use it to end my life. My boys will be better off without me…."

"Oh, I see. I hear you don’t want to go on any longer, it feels too hard. But let’s talk about your boys. They need you as much as you needed your grandparents. Isn’t it possible, just possible, that you can somehow get through this awful time with God’s help and show the boys an example of how a man finds inner strength during the hard times in life?"

"I wish I could do that for them…."

"I can tell that you really love your boys. They need you so much. I know that with God’s help you can be the father you want to be… Would you like to pray with me about this?"

"Yes."

"Dear Lord, Wayne needs your help. I thank you that you’re holding him up in this tough time - right now…."

"Thank you. I think I can make it into work this morning."

"That’d be good. And please call back to New Hope after you get off work. Let us know how you’re doing. I care! We care!"

"Thanks Eileen. I will call back tonight."

"Thanks for calling New Hope Wayne. God loves you and so do we."

New Hope Saves Lives!

From the portion of this phone call you can see that Wayne found New Hope and chose life. His story, is all too common. In the United States alone, 82 people a day commit suicide. If it weren’t for New Hope it might be 83 people a day. Most every day someone who is suicidal finds New Hope for living by calling (714) NEW-HOPE or going online to www.NewHopeNow.org.

New Hope has been answering the calls of people in despair since September 15^th, 1968 when Dr. Robert Schuller and Arvella Schuller started the New Hope Telephone Counseling Center to be "A light that never goes out, an eye that is never closed, and ear that is never shut, a heart that never grows cold." The light has never gone out since. 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, New Hope volunteers at the Crystal Cathedral are compelled by the love of Jesus to help prevent suicides and to care for hurting people.

How do we do it? How do New Hope volunteers help the suicidal chose life? It’s a lot easier than you think. You too can help save a life! You too can give New Hope to those who want to end their lives. As our Pastor Jim Kok says, "90% of helping is just showing up."

If you know someone who is discouraged, despairing, or at risk of suicide then go talk to that person. Ask how he or she is doing and listen. Express your care and concern.

You Can Prevent a Suicide!

You can begin right now by educating yourself about suicide and how to respond to those who are depressed or despairing. Be prepared so that you know how to respond.

The kind of people who are suicidal may surprise you. It’s often people who seem to have their lives together. They may be successful, have an important job, look attractive, be full of potential, or be surrounded by people who care about them. Yet, they don’t see or appreciate these things.

They feel bad about themselves and their life and they can’t seem to change how they feel. Their pain has become hopeless and unbearable for them. Ending their life seems like the only way out. It’s not. But they need our help to realize that.

Following is a concise summary of some of the most important information related to suicide to help you be prepared to offer your support and hope.

Know the Facts of Suicide

1. Suicide can be prevented. All suicidal people are ambivalent; part of them wants to die to end the pain and part of them wants care and help to live. In the moment of crisis they are unable to see any other alternative to their problem besides killing themselves.

2. Warning. Before someone attempts suicide they usually give warning of their intentions.

3. Ask! Talking about suicide does not cause someone to be suicidal it lets them know that you care!
4. Guns. 60% of those who kill themselves do so with a firearm.

5. Survivors. Each suicide traumatizes an average of six loved ones who must overcome suicide’s negative legacy. 1 out of every 59 American’s is a survivor of suicide.

Know the Groups at Risk of Suicide

In an effort to stop suicides, quite a bit of research has been done. Certain groups of people are more at risk than others.

Who is at risk?

1. Those who have previously attempted suicide are prone to attempt again.

2. Survivors of suicide (e.g., family and friends of suicide victims).

3. Those who have suffered a recent loss (e.g., death of loved one, divorce, loss of job, health setback).

4. Anyone with depression (20% commit suicide which is 50% of all suicides), alcohol dependence (10% commit suicide which is 25% of all suicides), or schizophrenia (10% commit suicide which is 10% of all suicides).

5. People who are socially isolated.

6. The elderly, two-thirds of which were in relatively good health. (Contrary to popular opinion only 2-4% of suicide victims have been diagnosed with a terminal illness.)

7. Men are over three times more likely than women to commit suicide. (Women are over three times more likely to attempt.)

8. Whites are twice as likely as non-whites to commit suicide.

9. Youth (15-24 years of age) are 200% more likely to commit suicide today than in the 1950’s. (1 out of every 100 to 200 young people attempt.)

Know the Warning Signs of Suicide

People who intend to kill themselves have mixed feelings. Because part of them does want to live they make their desperation known directly or indirectly.

It’s up to us to listen:

1. Comments or notes about giving up, not wanting to live, or committing suicide.

2. Withdrawal from family, friends, and social activities.

3. Loss of interest in hobbies, work, school, etc.

4. Preparation for death by making out a will and final arrangements.

5. Giving away prized possessions.

6. Preoccupied with death and dying.

7. Having trouble eating or sleeping.

8. Drastic changes in behavior.

9. Loss of interest in personal appearance.

10. Increased use of alcohol or drugs.

11. Taking unnecessary risks.

 

Know What Suicidal People Feel

Those who are suicidal are in pain. It may be physical. It’s always emotional. And they feel that they just can’t manage the pain anymore. Good feelings don’t stick around and they think that they can’t sit with the bad feelings any longer.

The suicidal feel that they:

1. Can’t stop the pain.

2. Can’t make the sadness go away.

3. Can’t get out of depression.

4. Can’t see themselves as worthwhile.

5. Can’t think clearly.

6. Can’t make decisions.

7. Can’t sleep, eat, or work.

8. Can’t get someone’s attention.

9. Can’t see any way out other than suicide.

 

Know the Downward Spiral of Negative Self-Talk in Suicidal People

To attempt suicide is the ultimate act of self-destruction. Every person I’ve ever talked to who was suicidal was besieged with negative self-talk. Living with themselves made them miserable. They were constantly attacking themselves in one way or another.

This is what it’s like to live inside the head of a suicidal person:

1. "You’re incompetent (or unattractive, or too shy)."
2. "Don’t apply for that job, you’ll never get it." (Or, "Don’t try to befriend her she doesn’t care about you.)"
3. "That’s a lousy company. (Or, "You know you can’t trust women.")
4. "Just be by yourself. Who’d want to be with someone as miserable as you?"
5. "You idiot! You creep! You’re worthless!"
6. "Go ahead and drink, you’ll be more relaxed."
7. "See how bad you make your family feel. They’d be better off without you."
8. "What’s the use? Your work (or marriage) doesn’t matter. Why try?"
9. "Why don’t you just drive across the center divider?"
10. Calm, rationale, obsessive thoughts like, "Get some pills. Go to a hotel…."
11. "You’ve thought about this long enough. Just get it over with. It’s the only way out!"

Know How to Give New Hope to the Suicidal

If you’re concerned that someone you know is at risk then the most important thing that you can do is talk to him or her. Express your concern. Ask, "How are you feeling?" and listen. Or talk to us at New Hope by calling (714) NEW-HOPE or www.NewHopeNow.org. We’re here to help you and your loved ones to choose life!

Here’s how we do it at New Hope (You can do this!):

1. Relax! Stay calm! You can help.

2. Establish rapport. (e.g., "You sound like you’re in a lot of pain. I’m concerned for you.")

3. Assess the suicide risk. Ask if he or she is thinking about suicide, has a plan of how to do it, has the means to do it, has attempted before, has family or friends who have suicided, etc. (Some people mistakenly think that you shouldn’t ask, lest you provoke an attempt. This is wrong. You should always ask!)

4. Diffuse the emotional crisis with empathy. Draw out and actively listen to his or her feelings and reflect back what you’re hearing to demonstrate your care and to build a connection. (Don’t give advice. Don’t ask why. Don’t act shocked. Don’t be sworn to secrecy. Don’t dare him or her to do it.)

5. Reinforce reasons to live. Remind him or her of particular loved one’s who care for or who need care from the suicidal person. Focus on positive activities or opportunities that he or she might look forward to. Remind him or her that things will look differently and seem more manageable tomorrow.

6. Set a contract. Have the suicidal person commit to removing the means (give the gun away, throw away the pills, etc.) and checking in again soon with you or someone else who cares like a doctor, therapist, pastor, family member, friend, or a crisis hotline like New Hope.

 

For additional help for if you’re concerned about someone who is at risk of suicide or you are a survivor of suicide you can contact the American Association of Suicidology at www.suicidology.org/things.htm or (202) 237-2280. Or you can contact the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention at www.grief-recovery.com/contents.html. A helpful book to read is Suicide and the Inner Voice by Dr. Lisa Firestone.

If you are suicidal yourself right now, then please call (714) NEW-HOPE, another hotline, or a local pastor or counselor. Don’t keep quite! Get help!

* Portions of this article are edited versions of information provided by the American Association of Suicidology or Dr. Lisa Firestone.