William Gaultiere,
Ph.D.
Executive
Director of New Hope, Clinical Psychologist with ChristianSoulCare.com
Maybe when
you were a child you periodically measured how tall you were growing.
My dad did this with me. It was exciting to see the pencil marks
going higher and higher on the wall! One day I discovered that
I was taller then my mom! Then came the day I passed my dad and
I knew that I was grown up! Marking the progress of your spiritual
growth isn't as easy, but there's nothing more important in life.
Are
you Moving Closer to God?
The first
explorers to reach the North Pole were very brave. Theirs was
a very dangerous mission. It'd be easy to get lost and freeze
to death in that vast wasteland of snow, ice, and bitter cold!
One of the early explorers thought he was going crazy when his
instruments indicated that even though he was continually moving
towards the north he was actually going farther south! He watched
his compass more closely and picked up his speed, but still he
continued to go south, farther and farther away from the North
Pole. What was the problem? Why wasn't he reaching his destination?
He was on a gigantic iceberg that was drifting south!
How easily
this can be true of you and I in matters of the soul. Even Christians
who are busy with church activities, regularly read their Bibles,
and want to grow spiritually may find that all their religious
activity and effort are not getting them any closer to God and
the life He intends for them. Have you ever sung songs of praise
to God while denying an area of sin? Spent time in prayer before
God without first resolving your anger at a friend? Gone through
the motions of communion without rejoicing in God's mercy and
grace to you? Talked up your Christian faith to others when in
reality you felt dead inside? We must confess that at times we've
all slipped into Pharisaical religiosity in one way or another.
To move closer
to God and grow spiritually we need to be honest about where we're
at and what we're struggling with. We need to make accurate assessments
of our spiritual condition, using reliable spiritual instruments
to locate ourselves on the map of our heart-relatedness with God.
When we do we may discover that we've wandered onto a drifting
iceberg and need to step off of it in order to move toward God
and His wonderful purposes.
Assess
your Spirituality, not your Religiosity
How do we
assess something as intangible as faith? How do we monitor a
relationship with an invisible God? Because of the difficulties
inherent in growing spiritually it's no wonder that many people
try to do so by becoming busier, doing more of the religious things
that they know they should do. But in many ways more religion
does not lead to greater spirituality or increased closeness with
the Lord. In fact, religion quickly becomes performance-oriented
(calling on an ideal or false self) and works against authentic,
heart-felt spirituality.
God wants
our hearts. He wants us to relate to, worship, and serve Him
out of our deepest desires and passions. There's nothing more
important in life than growing into God's love and purpose for
your life! That's the point of the greatest commandment that
Jesus gave us (Mark 12:30). It's the food that Jesus ate everyday
(John 4:34). It's why Mary set down her work and sat at Jesus'
feet (Luke 10:39). It's the prize that Paul trained hard for
and ran to win (Philippians 3:14). It's the point of the "precious
promises" from God that Peter reminded us of (2 Peter 1:3-8).
It's what David lived for and why he was said to have a "heart
after God."
Isn't this
how you want to live? Don't you want your soul to be infused
with the life of God to the glory of His name, the blessing of
others, and your own enjoyment? I sure do. That's why time and
again I turn back to David's psalms to re-vitalize my heart for
God. Make these words the cry of your heart and you'll be on
the path of spiritual growth:
- "I will
praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your
wonders (Psalm 9:1)."
- "One thing
I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in
the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon
the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple" (Psalm
27:4).
- "As the
deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O
God" (Psalm 42:1).
- "O God,
you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is
no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your
power and your glory. Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you. My soul will be satisfied as with
the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise
you. On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches
of the night." (Psalm 63:1-6).
"Better is
one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather
be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents
of the wicked" (Psalm 84:10).
To help you
assess where you're at on your spiritual journey I've developed
a self-test, "Are
You Growing Spiritually?" I believe you'll find it to be
a reliable spiritual instrument. It's designed to help you dig
down deep into your soul to look at the inner heart and relational
realities that are at the core of a spiritual life. Accordingly,
the questions focus on your spiritual experiences and relatedness
rather than your religious ideals and behaviors.
Spiritual
Growth Happens in the Body of Christ
One morning
when I woke up I saw that my seven-year old daughter Briana was
sleeping on the floor next to the bed her mother and I were in.
Apparently, as she often does when she's had a bad dream or isn't
feeling well, she had crept into our bedroom with her pillow,
sleeping bag, and "Oreo" kitty cat stuffed animal and camped out
on our carpet. When she woke up later that morning my wife told
me that she had heard Briana singing a song she made up based
on a Sunday school song called "My Father's House":
"Come and
go with me into my Father's house. It has a big, big room with
lots and lots of floor that we can sleep on. Come and go with
me into my Father's house. It has a big, big table with lots
of time that we can all talk. And then we get to play with Jesus!"
Her song
melted my heart. So often I feel inadequate as a parent. I think
I should spend more time with my kids. I'm disappointed in myself
on nights when I don't participate in their bedtime routines.
I don't like it when I lose my temper at them. I get discouraged
when they don't notice the things I do for them. And then many
times when I try to reach out to play with them or to engage them
in meaningful conversation I feel rejected.
But here
was a delightful reminder that indeed my efforts to be "Christ's
Ambassador" as her father were getting through! Briana was experiencing
the "good enough" parenting that she needed. Her song indicated
that she felt her mother and I were a safe refuge and that she
had an important seat at our family table to talk about what was
important to her. She was experiencing her Heavenly Father's
care through us. And so she could enjoy being herself and growing
in God's love.
It's the
same for you and I. To live the joyful, growing life that God
intends for us we need ambassadors to show us God's love (2 Corinthians
5:20) - especially if our childhood home wasn't a safe refuge
or our the needs of our soul weren't treated as important. To
some extent we have all been hurt by our own sins and others'
sins against us. So, as Jesus put it, we all need to be "born
again" (John 3:3) by putting our faith in Him. This means more
than a conversion experience. It means that the needy, immature,
hurt, sinful child within each of us needs to go through a re-birth
process, a re-growing up in a new family - the Body of Christ.
We need God's people to lead us into "the Father's house" by depending
on them for things like nurturing, comfort, modeling, affirmation
of our gifts, and corrective feedback.
Jason
Grew Spiritually when Christ's Ambassadors Accepted Him
Frequently
I tell people that the more loving connection they experience
with one of Christ's ambassadors the more of God's love they'll
enjoy. People who aren't connected relationally to others aren't
connected to themselves or God. That's how God made us. This
is the Apostle John's message. He was Jesus' best friend. His
experience of God's love was so profound that he identified himself
as "the Apostle who Jesus loved" (John 13:23, 20:2, 21:17, 21:20).
In his letter of 1 John he reiterates emphatically that we must
love one another in order to grow in God's love. "No one has
ever seen God; but if we love each other, God lives in us and
his love is made complete in us" (1 John 4:12).
This is what
I told Jason, but at first it didn't make sense for him. He was
in his 30's, single, lonely, and depressed. He was a committed
Christian who read his Bible, prayed regularly, led a Bible Study
in his home, and went to church twice every week for worship and
to volunteer in the kids program, but he wasn't feeling God's
love. Even though he was around people at work and church nobody
really knew him. There were deep parts of his heart that were
unknown and untouched by love. And his religious activity wasn't
changing it.
God's love
started to break through the day he broke down in my office, "I'm
so embarrassed," he sobbed as he covered his face with his hands.
For what seemed like minutes, but was really only seconds, he
couldn't bear to explain himself. Finally, it spilled out, "I
was really depressed Friday night so I went out with some guys
at work. I had too much to drink and I knew it, but I drove home
anyway. Now it'll be on my record. How could I do that after
all the pain my Dad's drinking caused me?"
Jason was
surprised that I didn't reprimand him. I listened and empathized
with his pain and the negative consequences he was facing. In
subsequent weeks he opened up his heart to share other hurts with
me like what it was like being a child in his alcoholic family
and how badly he wanted to marry a Christian woman. He also got
honest with the people in his Bible Study. The more vulnerable
he was the more he felt accepted and cared for. He learned to
take his lonely and depressed feelings to safe people and not
to isolate or drink alcohol at those times.
He was also
amazed that the Bible came alive to him. He'd read passages that
he'd read many times before, but now it was as if the Scriptures
were all new and God was speaking right to him! For instance,
one day he read the account of Jesus' baptism and God the Father
raining down from heaven the blessing, "This is my Son, whom I
love; with Him I am well pleased" (Matthew 3:17). God's words
to Jesus kept ringing in his ears for days. Jason never felt
his father's acceptance and affirmation. And one day at the beach
he cried out to God and in the gentle, rhythmic roar of the waves
he sensed God say to him, "You're my son too. I love you. I'm
proud of you. Now accept how I feel about you."
When Jason
was at his worst Christ's ambassadors gave him compassion, forgiveness,
and saw the good in him. Then he was able to experience it from
God too. This is how he came alive spiritually and started growing.
"I
Guess I'm not the Lone Ranger!"
After a particularly
difficult psychotherapy session Sam called me and said, "I'm feeling
better since talking with you about my divorce. The other thing
that helped me is that I read in Psalm 36 that David felt the
depths of depression too. He also had to get through his enemies
gloating over him. He too thought God was angry with him and
distant. So I cried out to God for mercy like David did and I
can see that God is helping me. I guess I'm not the Lone Ranger!
I can fight the good fight of faith with God's help."
What Sam
is discovering is the same thing that Jason learned after his
DUI and my daughter Briana experienced after her nightmare. Connecting
with the Heavenly Father's love and growing spiritually require
that we cry out to God and His people in the Body of Christ for
help. "Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom
of God," Jesus taught us (Matthew 5:4). "The Lord is close to
the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" David
learned through his painful experiences (Psalm 34:18). Paul also
grew closer to God by bringing his painful struggles to the One
who promised him, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power
is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Listen
to God's Call
C.S. Lewis
said that God whispers in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience,
and shouts in our pain. Most of us need to be shouted at from
time to time in order to grow spiritually! But God is always
calling us to Himself, stirring up our hunger to know Him and
become more like Him. Isn't the song of the birds one of God's
beautiful love songs to us? (Psalm 104:12,24). Isn't the word
of God alive and active, sharper than a double-edged sword in
its ability to convict our hearts and encourage us to follow Jesus?
(Hebrews 4:12). Isn't the caring of a Christ-follower the very
care of God? (2 Corinthians 5:20).
Yes, God
is speaking to you and I in many ways - right now even! - drawing
us into His presence and empowering us to do His work. If only
we will listen and not harden our hearts (Hebrews 4:7). If only
we will soften our hearts, realizing our need for Him, crying
out for His mercy, hungering for more Him, trusting in His care
and the care of His ambassadors, and relying on Him to use us
to minister to others in His name.
When we cling
to God this way, whether in response to joy, conviction, or pain,
we will grow spiritually. And that's what life is all about.
William Gaultiere,
Ph.D. is the Executive Director of the New Hope Crisis Counseling
Center at the Crystal Cathedral and a Clinical Psychologist and
Spiritual Director with ChristianSoulCare.com. On his website
you can sign up for a free inspirational devotional e-mail.
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