Here
are responses to consider offering for the seven cases. There
are many other good alternatives, but offer these as one model
in hopes that you better understand what I've taught in this class.
Note, that the second response of mine gently connects the person's
pain with my sense of the needed growth step. I expect that coming
up with this type of response is a stretch for you!
1. A woman
is scared of being verbally abused by her husband again. She
thinks she deserves it. (Pain from being sinned against.)
Offer
compassion for how she's being mistreated: "You live on pins
and needles around him. You never know when he's going to
explode on you."
Attempt
to re-direct her anger in a positive direction: "It seems
that you're blaming yourself for his problem with being abusive.
I wonder where your feelings of anger are?"
2. A man
is angry at his wife for continually yelling harsh "character
assassinations" at his daughter and her step-daughter. (Pain
over his daughter being sinned against.)
Validate
his concern: "It troubles you deeply that you daughter feels
so belittled by your wife."
Gently
encourage personal responsibility: "I'm gathering that this
has happened before. I wonder what you're doing to protect
your daughter and hold your wife accountable."
3. A lonely
and depressed young man feels guilty about using pornography
on the Internet again. (Pain over personal sin.)
Empathize
with his struggle: "You feel badly that you can't seem to
stop using pornography."
Connect
pain to sin: "It seems that using porn is a way that you cope
with your loneliness, but it doesn't really help you because
what you need is to feel understood and cared for."
4. A 45-year
old man cries because his wife, the mother of their three small
children, has died in a car accident. (Pain over a tragedy
that happened and no one chose.)
Empathize
with her loss: "You miss her so much. She was a wonderful
wife and mother and you need her back. You don't know how
you're going to cope without her. You're worried for your
kids and how their going to manage life without their mother.
You don't understand how God could let this happen."
If the
timing is appropriate gently open her heart to God's involvement
in her pain: "It's hard to imagine how you can re-construct
meaning in your life and faith after this loss."
5. A depressed
man is consumed with being more successful and making more money.
(Pain over denying hunger for God and neglecting to reverence
Him above all.)
Empathize:
"You want more than anything to take your career to the next
level."
Respond to the deeper level need if you hear it present: "You're
absorbed with your career and yet inside something gnaws at
you that their must be something more for you in life."
6. A depressed
wife feels guilty asking her husband to respond to her needs
to be listened to and appreciated. (Pain over mistaking self-denial
for self-negation and choosing an unhealthy posture of shame.)
Empathize:
"You want your husband's support but you feel undeserving
of it."
Validate her sense of self: "You need to feel that you're
a valuable person and you want your husband to show you this."
7. A confident
Christian man is criticized by his workaholic boss for leaving
work at 5:30 to have dinner with his family and go to a midweek
church service. (Pain from choosing to endure persecution for
Christ's sake.)
Empathize: "It worries you that your boss judges you negatively
and yet you know it's only because you're a Christian."
Affirm his opportunity to be a witness for Christ: "It sounds
like God is using you as a positive witness in his life and
it's a challenge for you to remain positive under this persecution."
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